Communication and Service: Two approaches to help teens

In a response for one of my counseling classes, I described how I could help teenagers reduce their risk of long-term effects of poor choices.  As a parent of a teenager, I was not aware of the biological changes taking place inside the adolescent brain which impact how teens manage their emotions, make decisions and control impulses.  Although they may physically begin to look like adults, they are still developing their adult cognitive and psychological abilities and perceptions.  Above all, they, like children and adults, crave love and security.  Be patient with these guys...they have a lot going on! 

Adolescence is a difficult time of transition which, I believe, is made more difficult by cultural influences in the U.S. today. Immense physical, psychological, social and emotional changes take place all at once and, as a result, relationships with family, peers and even self-esteem change rapidly in the span of a few years. There are two primary ways I can help teenagers emerge from these tumultuous years with fewer scars from poor choices.

One way I can help teens is by promoting education and communication about key issues that they face. In my experience working with teen girls through student ministry events and small groups, allowing time for guided discussion about relationships, sexuality, and social difficulties such as cliques and gossiping is a welcome activity. Most girls are eager to discuss problems and fears they have in these areas. Discussion provides a forum for teens to learn more about the appropriate ways to respond to a situation or challenge and also builds camaraderie and trust among the group members. Providing scriptural teaching gives teens a God-given basis for their understanding of who they are and how these sometimes confusing issues were actually designed to be some of the best parts of life. Teens are able to come to understand how these issues have been hijacked by Satan and distorted to become the most common idols that people seek in place of a relationship with God (I Thess. 4:3-5; I Cor. 18-20; 2 Tim. 2:22-24). Separating the Truth from the lies and teaching them to discipline themselves (such as delaying romantic relationships, not engaging in negative discussions about people, taking care with the media they expose themselves to, etc.) can reduce the chances that teens will suffer negative consequences from a poor decision.


Secondly, teaching teens to look outwardly and providing opportunities for servitude counteracts our culture’s egocentric emphasis that is especially present during adolescence. Feldman (2008) states that adolescents develop a metacognitive ability called “adolescent egocentrism” which is a sort of hyperawareness of self (p.388). Culture in the U.S. leads teens to focus on physical appearance, possessions, athletic abilities and social power through the emphasis placed on these things in all forms of popular media. The biblical view is that one should clothe oneself with humility (I Peter 5:5-6) and consider others’ interests (Philippians 2:3-4). In Mark 10:44-45 Jesus states “…whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Teens should be given opportunities to live out these commands and learn to value themselves not for how they look or how popular they are, but for the impact they can make on the world in the name of Christ.  Teens can contribute a lot more than you might think.  Redefine your expectations for them beyond texting, shopping and video games and you'll be surprised what they are capable of! 

Feldman, R. S. (2008). Development Across the Life Span. Uppersaddle River, NJ: Pearson Prentice Hall.